Am I?

Sometimes I feel like I'm not who I truly want to be. I usually feel whole, like I know who I am. But then I'll sit and think about what I really would do if I wasn't so afraid. I think that if I was really who I am inside to be, I might be a better person. Sometimes I let my friends get to me, I say things, however minor, that I don't think I would really say. If I was brave enough I would speak my mind loud an clear, but since I'm not, I wait till night and I scream everything to my pillows, soundlessly, in my head. It's something that I don't want to keep inside, but I do, because I cant bring myself to do anything else. I notice how people, including myself, put on acts for others. It's not uncommon I know, but still its something that makes me think. You always hear people say, “You should always be yourself, and not change for anyone.” But did those people ever think of how difficult that is? Did they actually go through experiences to make them? Or are they just a production of what someone else wrote? I still haven't figured that out, or how to become the person hiding inside. If I were truly honest with myself, I might be disappointed in what I've accomplished. Though I wouldn't be too sorrowful, I know I've done a lot of good things. But if I could change myself, I would change to the real me.